Who am I?

I remember being asked that question many times before and my answer was always I thought very appropriate. I was Bonnie Kutter and I was a wife and mother of three, consultant, business owner, designer….whatever was happening in my life at the time. What I am today and what I want you to know about me is much different than my canned response years ago.

I have been everything that I thought everyone else thought I should be! I’ve carried an attitude of positive and optimism. Trust me; it all looked good on the outside, but inside I knew I was living a façade. I had fallen into the life trap of autopilot and stayed busy and acted competent and content.  Now I want you to know that the only one that was to blame for my mask was myself. I have a great marriage and beautiful family, always have…..that’s important for me to share because what I have learned is you can have EVERYTHING working right on the outside, but if things aren’t right on the inside, nothing else matters.

I had lost my father at age nine and mother at thirty four, both very painful but I told myself, everybody has bad things happen in their life….get on with it Bonnie…. which I did. What I didn’t know was I had taken on some beliefs during that timeframe that really sabotaged me and kept me in a limited pattern of living my real truth. When my father died, his last words to me were, “take care of your mother.”  When my mother died, you would have thought that job was over.  But I’d developed a pattern of taking care of everyone else, feeling responsible for their happiness, and putting myself last.  So without knowing it I locked myself into certain standards and only allowed and felt comfortable being really less than I truly was.

Growing up on one income, it seemed that we always had less.  I lived the majority of my life comparing myself to everyone, not just financially, but in every way.  I felt like what I had to say was not important, and instead let confusion rule my world because that was easier than being present to the pain I was holding.  I was living in the shadows and saw everyone else’s light but not my own. These were just a few of the veils that started covering my truth and light! These unsupportive and limiting beliefs held me captive for years.

These patterns were running my life (and even running my first business into bankruptcy!) until I got a wake-up call that it was time make a change.

Today I can tell you when I made the decision to take a risk, agree to do the inside work to get to my authentic self the key to my truth and light was revealed to me! I am a natural healer and revealer of light.  I’ve discovered many hidden talents that I share with my clients as I guide them out of their own dark patterns and into their light.

Because I learned that I am not the only one that has felt this way. As a matter of fact I see people on a daily basis that are living in their shadow, believing that there is no way that life could be any different for them. I know differently now, you don’t have to stay in your shadow!  It feels  like a light has been turned on in my life, I feel freedom……walking in the sunshine of my life!